Perspective

Perspective! I believe that will be my word of the day! Perspective is hard to obtain, harder to maintain and very easily lost in a trying situation. Currently for me...it is an uphill battle. I find myself redirecting my focus and allowing myself to worry and nitpick about things that have nothing to do with the big picture. My house is one of those things. Since Z decided to paint...I see so much that is wrong with my house and needs repair and I find myself starting to obsess about it. My older son has something wrong with his chest and refuses to get it checked out and my dog has what I am sure is kennel cough. Some of these I can change, some I cannot....but all have me stressing to the point of irrationality simply because perspective is not clearly in hand. I know I am allowing myself to get so out of focus because that which I have been focusing on and still need to be has been so traumatic. I can almost feel myself pulling in and going into secluded, nitpicky, pure bitch mode. I am fighting it! Honestly I am.

Probably the thing most keeping me from going to the dark side is realizing how great David's needs are right now. I am trying very hard to focus on his comfort along with the things he needs to recuperate to the fullest. Feeling like I am not sure exactly what those needs is a bit daunting....but I am hoping as time goes on I will get it all figured out. I am assuming that true prospective in this situation would be the realization that I don't have all the answers but I will learn as I go and to reach out to all the information available either through the internet or those with past experience.

All this being said....there is much I have already learned. The wheel chair does work if we don't have the stabilizer between David's legs. He seems okay today without it so we are going with that. David's comfort level with his back is all over the place. Sometimes it appears to be a good 9.5 (with 10 being the best) and other times we are doing good to get a 2.5 and that is accompanied with a lot of tears. In all of Davids years I don't think he has cried as much as he has this weekend. He is so uncomfortable. I am wondering if putting a heating pad on his back might work? I am also thinking about massage as it appears to be spasms that he is dealing with. However....I am not sure he would hold still for massage. I guess I will be calling Shriners today and hopefully getting some answers.

I have hopes today to give David a bath (a sponge bath that is) and clean up our surroundings. We have a small space in this room to start with and with Z's desire to continue his self imposed remodel....things are still a mess. Perhaps a clean space and and clean body will help him feel a little better. I sure wish I had a time table on his pain. His tears are killing us both.

Well...I am sure today's blog is all over the place....just like I am. What do you expect though....it is a Monday after all?! There is much to do and very little enthusiasm to get it done. I will however fight through this melancholy and get to work. Pray that today goes better than it appears it might. Onward and upward....let this day begin! Perspective!!!!