My Less Than Attractive Side....

I know those of you who know me will find this hard to believe.....but I have a less than attractive side and I am afraid this whole ordeal is bringing it out. It doesn't help that at night my body is trying to reintroduce itself to sleep, we have a new puppy who cries at night incessantly, David wakes up two or three times a night crying in pain and to top it off the brief spans of sleep that I do get are filled with nightmares of the other shoe dropping....hard! It is taking everything I have to stay focused. Yesterday I completely gave up and did as little as I possibly could. Things irritate me in a major way (not David...just everything else) and I find myself as I said yesterday......very gritchy.

I can't stand clutter, dog hair or things left undone and my house is currently filled with all the above! Now is where you will find out just what kind of and unattractive person I really am. So when we left for St. Louis, Z was left home alone for the first time. Now a lot of parents would have to worry about just what shape their house would be in and who their kid had had in while they were gone. Not me! Instead of partying, running around and getting into trouble.....my 16 year old decided to paint the entire house! Yep...that's right! In the beginning I think he had a little help from Thiry and Berty as everyone was sick of me complaining about how bad I thought my living room looked. In fact...I had actually had some grandiose ideas about painting it before we left for St. Louis. It obviously didn't pan out. So they decided to surprise me when I got home. However, Z took things into his 16 year old hands and the painting project took on a life of it's own. He picked out all the colors and did not only the living room, but the basement stairway, the downstairs bathroom, the upstairs stairway and my room. Most he actually completed, but some are still left undone as he ran out of time and had those days when he was really sick. Now here's the deal. I love the thought that went into it, but he is 16 and things were cleaned up and put away like a 16 year old would do it. Now, woodwork needs to be cleaned and things are piled in the wrong rooms and some rooms have yet to be completed and instead of being grateful that I had a son that used his powers and free time for good instead of partying and me coming home to assess the damage....I am irritated, snappy and not very pretty! Yes...I do know that makes me a colossal bitch!

I think much of my issues stem from the fact that I am just tired. That is something that no one but me and time can fix. I am thinking that it is just part of the recovery period for all of us. Again...I should not complain because when I do sleep...it is without pain. David is the one suffering here....not me. I am simply making everyone else suffer because of my anal retentive attitude over the piddly things in life. It truly is ME and not THEM!

I am finding as the days progress....I know nothing! In fact....less than nothing may even be more accurate. I found myself wishing last night that we were recuperating closer to St. Louis so that he could regularly see the doctor and make sure I am doing everything right. I don't know how anything is suppose to look nor how much I am suppose to work with his range of motion. Dr. Keeler told us the Monday after his surgery that we no longer had to use the foam stabilizer between his legs if we didn't want to and that the splints only needed to be worn at night. While I am trying to ween him off the stabilizer....we keep going back when he cries because his legs are in pain. It appears to me to be almost a necessity when transferring him or adjusting him but then he doesn't fit in his wheelchair with it.

As far as the splints go. The minute I remove them he starts picking at the steri-strips. He has already ripped some off on his knee causing it to bleed and the scar to look yucky. Until the steri-strips fall off...the splints seem to be a must. So I try to give him periods of time without the stabilizer and then times where I take his splints off and work with his legs (those are no fun for either of us) and then times when we are in full leg gear. Hopefully I am doing all of this correctly. At the same time I am trying to ween him off the tylenol with codeine (they only gave us a Rx for one bottle) and get him switched over to plain tylenol. I don't want to be to the end of our bottle and his pain to be too great to make the switch then. Again....just flying blind here.

David has really been pretty good and much happier than I anticipated. He of course doesn't like having his legs messed with but if I explain to him ahead of time what I am doing....he is fairly tolerant. I try my best to get him through each transition, reposition and diaper change as quickly as possible with as little pain as possible but it is never quick enough for either of us. Thank God for that little yellow sponge called Spongebob. He seems to be capable of redirecting David fairly quickly....which makes us both happier.

I have noticed that David's skin around his ankles seems to be breaking down a bit. Thank goodness the nurses saw this one coming. They sent me home with some kind of derma strips that can be placed over the skin sores that will protect them from getting worse. So far I think he is up and about enough that his legs, back and rear end have remained sore free. It is a lot to keep ahead of but for now I think we have done okay on that front.

Our next appointment in St. Louis is May 25th. I know that if these weeks go like the weeks before his surgery....they will fly by. However....at this point....they can't go by fast enough. Now that enough time has passed for me to know the questions to ask....there is no one to ask the questions to. I am thinking that I will have to call Shriners tomorrow and start asking some questions.

For those reading this who at sometime may themselves go through this....a couple of suggestions. Make sure that the wheelchair is measured ahead of time and is wide enough to fit any casts, splints or other leg wear needed for the recovery. If the chair is not wide enough....the circulation will be cut off in the upper legs and it will end up causing more pain and issues than it helps. Second....be very careful about any hospital beds you get. If you can get one where the rails are a one piece plastic rather than the metal rails with gaps...do so. We found this morning that if David's bed is adjusted in a certain way...he can get his head caught in the rail as he likes to slide to the side. We have had to readjust everything which leaves him less comfortable but more safe. These are things that you need to be looking into several months before surgery as it takes at least that long to get everything processed and find out if your insurance will cover them. If for some reason it doesn't, there are other avenues to go down depending upon where you live. When in doubt though....go to your local Shriners and talk to them. If they can't help(I haven't found anything yet that they can't help with)....they can often point you in the direction of someone who can.

So there you have it. I am gritchy and anal and a colossal bitch...BUT David is doing well and we are just navigating over the speed bumps as they come. On a scale from 1 to 10....we are infinitely better than this time last week and trust me....I haven't forgotten that. I am hoping that this week will be the week that I get organized and get back into the swing of things. Maybe then the gritchiness will pass and we will all be in a better place!