Understanding!

Yes...I am aware that it is Wednesday and Project Day...however, I have no more projects readily done and I forgot to blog about David yesterday in the middle of my choatic day, so I thought I would just make it up today.

Last school year David and I had our hands full with a special education teacher whose special education credentials I highly question. My reasons were varied and many but they all boil down to my first hand experience with her lack of understanding where special needs kids are concerned. That is what today's blog is about....understanding!

I have talked in the past (last week to be precise) about people not giving kids like David a chance. They have preconceived notions about David's abilities and therefore they don't even try with him because they don't feel like he can move forward. They have the notion that he will always be stuck in both mental and physical disability hell. It just isn't so, but only those who truly understand sped kids understand their abilities as well as their disabilities. However, the quirks and stubbornness that goes with sped kids also need to be addressed and accepted.

While David is an amazingly smart and funny kid, he is also stubborn beyond belief and he is extremely OCD about a number of things and he gets frustrated because he is non-verbal and can't always get his point across. What we (those who love him) accept as being a part of David, some in the outside world are not quite so accepting of. Let's start with his OCD.

In the last few years, David's OCD has become more pronounced. It is small things and some of them I think have to do with him feeling secure in an insecure world. For instance, if David goes to the ER....the rails have to be up on both sides of his bed in the room. I don't care how sick he is, he will throw a fit until this happens and if they have to lower them to take blood or start an IV, well the rails being down seems almost worse to him than the needle stick. He is just as picky about his wheel chair. If his feet aren't on the foot rest properly or his arm rests aren't down right, there is potential for a bit of a fit until it is fixed. Luckily, he is getting to an age and an ability where he can fix much of this himself. Some other OCD traits he has are.....he can't stand for someone to cross their legs when they are sitting. If he see's it, he will physically uncross your legs. His worst trait to me though, is his string fetish(for lack of a better word). He has had this since he was very small and because of it, I am constantly picking up string and fibers in my house. His fine mortal skills are amazing and  if he is bored or I turn my back for two seconds, he will pull string or fiber out of anything. This includes but is not limited to...socks, blankets, towels and washcloths. His neurologist says that it is OCD behavior. I think he is just trying to drive me crazy. 

While his OCD is a pain from time to time, it is really not over the top. It is just part of David and how his brain works. However, to some at his school....his behavior over his OCD has proven to be a challenge and they feel they need to break these OCD habits and therefore end the upset behavior that comes with the pulling of strings or the positioning of bed rails. OCD doesn't work this way. I am thinking this should have been Special Education 101 which makes me wonder how some got into the sped field in the first place. Pick your battles people! Don't give him washcloths to fold if you know there will be a battle over strings. Let him handle his foot and arm rests on his wheelchair and be done with it. Don't try to control him, get him upset and then call me and tell me that he is combative. Accept him for who he is and don't try to change him if his actions aren't hurting him or anyone else. You need to work around his abilities/disabilities....NOT the other way around!  He is after all....special needs. From what I have learned, sped kids like David have little they can control in their world and for David it is doubly hard because he doesn't have a voice (literally) so he can't be heard. OCD behaviors in these kids are their way of having some control in an uncontrollable life. Instead of abolishing the behavior (with zero success might I add) work with him. Help give him a voice and some control and the behaviors just might go away on their own.

Another issue that David has had that is common with a lot of sped kids is stubbornness. While David does live in and within a world of rules, like any kid he is not always the first one in line to follow them. David takes life at his own pace and this apparently doesn't always coincide with the schedule of others. An issue that David had at school, was the time frame he was expected to do something in. This might have been taking something to the office, going to the bathroom or even doing a task. His teacher told me that his para was basically falling down on her job as she was not being efficient with her time with David and they were't staying on task. She had told me this several times throughout the year and I wasn't sure what she was talking about until I happened to be at the school on two occasions and was witness to two instances of "the para falling down on her job." Again....NOT!

The first incident of inefficient use of time was David going to the office. Now David is in command of his own wheelchair. He can go fast, slow, in circles or not at all. This particular day....he chose not at all. He had gone to the office and was not prepared to go back to class because there were people in the hall. He put on his brakes and refused to move. Try as the para might, he wasn't going anywhere until he was done being social. This meant that the para had to take the time to get on Davids level and talk to him and yes....basically coerce him. Luckily David's para has been with him long enough to know how to work him and in just a couple of minutes, she had him headed back to class under his own power. Unfortunately Davids refusal to move for those minutes caused the para to get a tongue lashing which ended the moment the teacher realized that I was standing there. After I explained to her what the situation was, all she said was..."Oh!" and walked away. This was not however, the last time this occurred.

The second occasion I was there, David had been put on the toilet. Like a lot of kids, toilet time doesn't always mean they are going to do their business and get in and out in a timely manner. This particular day, David was interested in just about anything other than being on the toilet. It took a few minutes longer than anticipated but eventually....he got the job done. As the para was getting him put back together, the teacher came from another room obviously irritated that David had not already moved onto his next activity. Once again, before she saw me she lit into the para on how she was not staying on schedule. However after she realized I was there, her attitude changed. She and I had several conversations about David being special needs and therefore not always being on "her" schedule. She paid lip service to the fact that she understood this, but the reality was....her schedule would be adhered to....regardless.

Special needs kids are just like anyone else. They need love, compassion and understanding of their own uniqueness. On the other hand, sped kids are different in how they see the world and interact in it. They may accomplish the same tasks that you and I do, but they may get to their end game in a very different way and in a very different time frame. If you live with, work with or teach a special needs individual....then you should know this and be understanding of it. If you don't, then your place is not in their world. It is as simple as that.

The next time you see a special needs person, don't look at them as special in a negative way. On the contrary...give them the respect they deserve because everything they do takes at least 5 times as much effort and time as it does for you and I and yet.....they do it. That in my book makes them special in a very positive and amazing way. David struggles at times with being understood, being "forced" to follow rules he neither completely understands nor cares for and most of all.....fighting his own desire to control his universe, but he always comes out smiling, laughing and ready to try again. His ability to love and show compassion and his desire to keep going and never give up.....makes him at times.....the least special needs person I know. So yeah....understanding. It's a beautiful thing.