The Day After

It feels as if we have been on a long and endless road. At times it felt as if our end game was just to survive and that the goal of David ever walking was just wishful thinking on my part. These last few months especially have taken such a toll on Davids body and my mental status that I think we were both to the place where we just wanted to find a normal and neither of us was very picky about what that normal might be.

Yesterday Dr. K took Davids cast off. I had no idea what to expect. It stunk....HORRIBLY! Either that staff is just a bunch of highly trained professionals that don't flinch at stinky patients or cast removal is just a stinky business. Either way....I was not not expecting the nasty smell that infiltrated the room after the cast came off. Thankfully, no cast meant he could finally have a real bath. Only his second one in almost four months. He was in heaven!!!

After the cast removal, Dr. K x-rayed the leg and I saw David flinch on the x-ray table. My heart kind of sank that he was still feeling pain. However, the doctor was very happy with what she saw on the film. Not only has Davids leg healed well, but he also has new bone growth which she was tickled pink over. So that was good news. Now what?

The plan is that David is to go back to school starting Monday. NO physical therapy for six weeks (precautionary so that his bones have that much longer to strengthen) but he is to spend time in his stander and do "sit stands" which are him sitting and then holding onto his walker and standing as many times as he can. She reminded me that he was just freshly out of a cast and that he had basically had no leg movement since Dec. 31st, so his legs are likely to be a bit atrophied, stiff and yes....sore. It will all take time. Sigh! PT will likely start with pool therapy and advance from there. They also went ahead and fitted him for orthotics while we were there and said that amazingly they would be ready in 7-10 days. Now that's a first. They are just simple foot, ankle, below the knee braces that will keep his foot and ankle supported in his stander and while he sits and stands. Until they are ready we have to use the ones that he has almost outgrown. In 6 weeks he will likely move onto a much more stable orthotic that goes to his hip for when the actual walking begins. Basically at this point Dr. K is good with David going at his own pace and doing what "he" is comfortable doing including getting on his knees and climbing the stairs if he so chooses. I am wondering if my nerves will survive the next 6 weeks?!

Driving Mr. David by myself was not as easy as I had anticipated. He has grown a lot since our last solo outing and transitioning him was not much fun for either of us, but we got it accomplished. Once again...we can do anything we put our minds to. Once home I put him on the floor and let him do what he wanted. He scooted everywhere and then went to the bottom of the stairs. I cringed! He sat there for a long time and then decided he would make the attempt. Fortunately for my mental status, his body is not ready for the whole on the knees stair climbing thing. He was not nearly as pleased that he was not climbing those stairs as I was!

I worried all night about his legs. I put them in the spika (barred orthic) at bed time, to keep him from pulling and twisting his legs in his sleep. To me his legs didn't lay right and his hips looked disjointed. I maybe slept 2 hours as I checked him every hour on the hour making sure his circulation was good and that he was comfortable. He always was until I would wake him up by moving his hips back into alignment. Neither of us had a great night last night.

This morning I continued to worry about his legs. His broken leg is still a bit swollen and the other leg looks like that of a malnourished war orphan. The thought of....all of this and David still not walking kept going through my head. Have I put him through two years of torture for nothing? I was definitely not feeling like Mother of the Year material.

As I drove to the school for the meeting about him coming back to school this morning, I really wanted to cry. I felt as if complete exhaustion was taking over my body and all I really wanted to do was to turn around, go home and  go back to bed. I was pretty much done and had decided that this whole adult, parent thing was just not working out for me anymore.

At the meeting we talked about him coming back and every thing the doctor had told me the day before. Everyone was excited about Davids return and I wondered if anyone could tell how gut punched I was feeling. David's school PT was there and she let me know that she would be coming by the house after the meeting to see David. I had mixed emotions as I wanted her opinion but I didn't want to hear bad news which is what I was afraid I was going to hear.

As the PT pulled into my driveway I braced myself. David lay on the floor with his hip looking twisted to me and one swollen leg and one spindly leg. Surely none of this was right and I wasn't sure I could stand to hear how wrong it really was. First she put me at ease assuring me that his leg might be swollen for up to six months due to the trauma of the surgery. The spindly leg was also to be expected as it had basically been unused for several months. I kind of already figured that. Once she had him in his wheelchair, properly seated, his hips and spine looked much better as he sat straight and tall. It was obvious that David was in some pain as he flinched each time we adjusted him but he continued fighting through it. Finally we put on the orthotics to make sure they would work for the next couple of weeks and weren't too terribly small and then we put on his shoes. Sitting in his wheelchair with his orthotics on, his knees and hips were beautifully aligned and his spine was straight as a string. I was starting to feel much better.

The PT wanted to see what David was capable of at this point. Again my heart sank, as I was so fearful that he would try to stand, not be able to and then refuse to try again. Poor kid, he is just so over being messed with and being disappointed. We pulled the walker in front of him and he immediately grabbed for it. Pulling himself forward though was painful and he almost gave up. We all feared that even if he were able to pull himself forward that he wouldn't be strong enough to stand. We were wrong. He stood. At first he needed a bit of support, but then he stood on his own. His feet were flat on the floor and his legs, knees and hips were straight. He was so proud. We were so excited and suddenly the fear of the last few months washed away and was replaced by blessed relief.

David stood for about 45 seconds on his own and then he had to rest. He tried again but the legs were a little too jelly like to hold him. It didn't matter. He had done it and I knew he would eventually do it again and again. These last two years were not in vain after all. 

Since standing this morning, I see a difference in David. It is like a light is glowing in him and even he realizes that hopefully soon, his life is going to change and his world is going to open up to amazing independence. He is really happy right now. Yes, we still have a long road ahead and we have circulation issues, a few little sores and a lot of strengthening to overcome and deal with, but today we both realized that he is getting there and after this morning.....I don't see him ever giving up. For the first time in a long time the words David will walk.....were not just words. They are his future!